When I began writing my story, I was excited because I knew all I had been through would inspire so many!
Five years ago, I remember the day a voice came to me saying “this is bigger than you.” I knew what I was going through was going to offer a gift to so many beyond myself! “This” meaning the two months of my life being turned completely upside down and being blindsided, betrayed, and deceived by the people I trusted most in my life. A way to cope with what was happening around me, I would write.
I have always loved to write. When I was in middle school, high school, and college, I would write poems, short stories, blurbs coming to me. It was my way of processing what I was going through. A way to express my feelings outward and beyond myself. When I was coping, pieces of my story came easy to write. Those pieces would be written or typed across a page quickly, but as I wrote about how the journey unfolded, the writing process seemed confusing because it wasn’t linear.
I had an expectation to write from the beginning all the way to the end, but that expectation quickly ceased. When I would write, I started writing from the end. Find myself somewhere in the middle with a sentence or two covering the beginning. This process didn’t make sense to me, but yet, it did. All at the same time.
This process seemed frustrating until a coach offered the homework to complete a puzzle. Why a puzzle?
When you work on a puzzle, it is clear what the ending will be. It’s when all of the pieces are correctly placed to create the picture that is represented on the box. But, you can’t quite start at the end in making a puzzle. Of course, there are many strategies to use to make progress.
- Separate the end pieces and create your border first.
- Put like pieces together.
- Well, I am sure there are many more, but those are the 2 that I practiced.
So, you begin making the puzzle with whatever strategies work best for you. You then begin to find a grove in connecting the pieces and bringing it to life. Let’s say you get to the half point and you are stuck. You’ve been looking at the puzzle for quite some time (many minutes maybe more meaning hours), and you can’t figure out why you can’t put another piece in its place. You’ve tried it all. What do you do?
Take a break. Step away and give your eyes and mind a refresher. That way when you come back you can start again with a fresh perspective.
This same process is mirrored in writing my memoir. Sometimes, I start at a point that could be considered the end. Sometimes, it’s completing the sentence or chapter I left behind a week ago. Sometimes, it’s writing an experience and facing the emotions. At moments, I bulldoze ahead and other times I step away from the pen and paper to allow space to relive the experience in my mind.
When I relieve the experiences, I connect to my body and ask it to show me the trapped emotions. With space, it is easy to do. The space allows me to go back to where I was. It allows me the space to hear the thoughts that were present while also having the feelings that were suppressed arise in my body.
Giving space allows for the thoughts to be heard and the emotions to be felt. It is as if writing is my therapy.
The paper is my therapist.
The pen or pencil is my voice.
& somewhere in the middle is
love, acknowledgement, grace, and advice.
I appreciate you taking the time to read!
With Love, A
Written 7/5/2024